Letters
by Renzoku Hikari
Summary: (EdRoy)Ed cant think straight. So what does he do? Why, he writes down all his problems in the form of a love letter. Wait...what do you MEAN inspection?
1. Chapter 1

Well...I got the idea of this my fiction from something I used to do all the time... Writing letters always made me feel better...  
  
I do NOT own FMA. Wish I did, but I don't. so don't sue me! and erm...if you don't like Shounen ai...GO AWAYYYYYY sob Please don't hurt feelings. This is a RoyEd just because I can and will write one. Well...let's hope I can anyway. Stuff like this 'I am obsessed with Palm Trees' are Ed's thoughts. (yes, I am obsessed with palm trees.)  
  
Letters  
  
It was a cold day and Edward just couldn't seem to keep his thoughts and feelings straight.  
  
'_What am I supposed to do now? I can't concentrate on this mission if my mind keeps wandering!!! K'so. The Colonel is gonna be so pissed at me if I keep messing up_.'  
  
Clank. Clank. Clank. Al walked into the box seat and closed the door behind him.  
  
"Onii-san is something the matter?" Al asked, handing Ed a warm French- vanilla latte and keeping the hot chocolate for himself. (a/n: no wonder Edo is so short...he drinks a lot of coffee!!!)  
  
"You can always seem to tell these things, Al." Edward let out a depressive and hostile sigh that furthered Al's concern for his older and littler brother.  
  
"I have this problem Al...my thoughts keep wandering...I keep feeling strange things...I want to get it all out but nobody would understand and I refuse to say certain things out loud anyway..."  
  
"Onii-san...remember what our math teacher told us? If you can't figure it out mentally, you should write it down."  
  
'_Write it down...now there's a thought..._' "Al, what do you mean exactly?" the blonde haired teen asked his brother.  
  
"In your case, Onii-san, write a letter." Al suggested. And with that, Edward wrote his first UL (undelivered letter.) "Al...it sounds so sappy and pathetic!" suddenly a nervous look struck his face. Luckily for him, Al didn't need or want to know whom the letter was addressed to.  
  
"Well, as long as it gets what you want out, it doesn't really matter right? I mean, you aren't sending it to anyone so...right Onii-san?" Al's face would be expressionless to anyone else, but to Ed, Al had a questioning look on his face.  
  
"N-no. I'm not giving this to anyone Al. Please don't mind me." a blush crossed the Hagane no Chibi's face and Al viewed that as a signal to drop the subject and go back to staring at the glistening flakes falling outside the train window.  
  
The next time Al's eye was caught was when Ed was frantically trying to erase something on the paper, though he was writing in sharpie and thus not having much success. Finally, Ed stopped with that and went into a vegetative state of pondering.  
  
'_The question: To start it with dear, or just his name?_'

This pondering lasted for 20 minutes after the letter was finished, as he was still too scared to address it to anyone in particular.

'_Maybe I will just...make up a code name. That way I don't have to write out the real name and in case someone finds this...how about Audrey? Yeah, that's a common name._' The thoughts paused for a second.

_'Now do I sign with Love, or just my name? I'm so confused. How about sincerely? Sure, whatever, it isn't like anyone is ever going to see it, and if they see THIS thing, I don't think they will care too much about how I signed before they start teasing me about it_ '  
  
Ed proceeded to put the letter in a nice envelope and seal it by wetting the sticky stuff on the top seal. Then he put tape on it. Not just any tape, duct tape. "That should keep people out of it." He grinned in a satisfied manner.  
  
"Uhh onii-san, isn't that a bit extreme?" Al asked as Ed clapped his hands together, preparing to make the seal permanent. "No."  
  
"Oh reeeaaallllyyy. I wonder what it says that's so important! Writing to someone special?" Ed knew that if Al had his body back right now, he'd be grinning heavily and slyly, as to imply something that Ed definitely did NOT want implied.  
  
"NO! I guess...this will be...good enough..." Ed carefully put the letter into his pocket and hoped to God that some pickpocket didn't come and steal it from him. "Come on Al, let's go. The train is stopping and we should get a head start on this so that we can get back to headquarters."  
  
Al nodded and stood up, the feather-like thing on the top of his head pushed against the top of the train and (without noticing what he was doing) the large suit of armor know formally as Al moved. A few minutes later, he was wondering why his older brother was laughing at him.  
  
"Al, your feather is wonked up again." Ed smiled. "Onii-san, please fix it for me..." Ed (having an immature "lets-get-back-at-Al-for-implying-things-he-shouldnt" moment) just started running foreward, turned back, and stuck out his tongue. When he faced forward again he was at the door and tripping out of it.  
  
'_Al won't be here for a while, I should probably wait right here for him. I hope I'm not waiting too long, I want to finish as soon as possible, and get back to him...it's driving me crazy not seeing him..._' the blonde bean boy thought, and then (out loud) he added "I don't know why, but I miss you, Colonel." He quickly shook these thoughts from his head as his brother came from the doorway. "Well Al, let's go. I want to go back as soon as possible."  
  
"Why onii-san? What's so important back at headquarters? All you have to look foreword to there is seeing Mr. Mustang and getting another mission..." And while Al pondered this, Ed let the silence speak volumes.  
  
_Authors Notes: Yes...I used to write letters to someone special every night or else I wouldn't be able to think correctly. I figured it'd be cute for Ed to write to Roy under the same circumstances. There are more chapters to come. Hopefully it will have somewhere in between 5 and 10 chapters...the first lot will just be different situations Ed gets urges to write in. Then something very different will happen...poor Edokun...he never saw it coming. Uhh ehehehe... Yeah. That's gonna be from my own experience/speculation as well. Enough about me. GAH. Review please. Don't flame me though without a reason...you'll hurt my feelings. Helpful criticism is good though!_


	2. Chapter 2

_**WELCOME to chapter two. Whahahahaha. I'm sooooo happy, I finished my Ren and Roy series on fictionpress (not Roy Mustang, because I KNOW that's the first thing that popped into your head. Though I did name my character after him.) Look me up i am Renzoku Hikari. anyway, now that I am done, I decided to start working on chapter two of this one.**_   
  
Letters   
  
Chapter 2  
  
"I hate this town." Ed yelled angrily. "Onii-san please settle down, you may offend people!" Al shushed him politely. "I DON'T CARE IF I OFFENDED THEM." Ed started raging again. "ONII-SAN! At least it isn't like where Roze lives."  
  
_'I didn't like that place. The people believed that alchemy is the Sun God Leto's miracles. No matter what I do and no matter how I explain, they just don't get it. And worse yet, they locked me up in that awful prison, and for what? For a fake lead on the philosophers stone.'_ Ed's thoughts were upset that day_.  
_  
"Onii-san, we should check into the hotel, it's getting rather late." At these words, Ed automatically pulled out the map of the town and started heading toward the general direction of the cheapest hotel.   
  
Upon arrival, they were exausted from the dry heat and nearly collapsed on the elevator up to their room. Finally, they found their way to their beds and slept like rocks.  
  
Drip. Drip. Drip. DRIP. DRIP. DRIP! Ed rubbed his eyes wearily. _'What is WRONG with that darned faucet? Is it leaking AGAIN? Why is it we always end up in the room with the leaky faucet?_' Ed went into the bathroom, alchemefied the sink in a flash of blue special effects, and walked groggily back to his bed.  
  
_'Man, I've been having a crappy week. Scratch that, I've been having a crappy life. But this week especially. I can't believe how horrible the residents of this town are to me. I should talk to Al. It always seems to calm me down after something like this..._'  
  
Al was fast asleep. Ed thought desperately for some other source to keep his emotions under control. Pen. Paper. No. It was such a bologna idea to write letters that he didn't even send.  
  
'_It helped, but that's probably pure coincidence. If I write a letter, this time, I am going to send it._' He convinced himself of this. _'The colonel is gonna find out anyway, I might as well tell him while I am away and give him time to chill._' And with that, he wrote (fiercely) all his problems at the time and all his feelings. He reviewed it twice over and then sealed it (not as heavily as last time).   
  
"This one is for sending. Once I get up tomorrow and go to the post office I will mail this thing off and be done with this whole mess. Knowing these people, it will get lost in the mail, but that isn't my fault. At least I will have TRIED"   
  
The light clicked off and the FullMetal Alchemist fell back into a dreamless sleep. Dreamless is for the better, as he had been having nightmares lately...  
  
The next day, Ed got up and dressed and decided instantly that he needed to go to the post office. Al reluctantly agreed to go, and when they got there, Ed wheeled around and started walking the other way. "I don't have the courage to do it Al, I'm sorry. I so want to, but it's so hard to imagine what sort of mess will be waiting for us when we get back to base if I send this off."   
  
"What is it with you and headquarters? What, do you have a crush on First Lieutenant Hawkeye or someone?" Al pried.   
  
_'Mustang would fall under the "Or Someone" category there, but if Al figures out that I have a crush on someone in the military, I bet he will follow me around until he finds out and is surprised to say the least.That wouldn't be fun. Sorry kid, I guess this one is just gonna have to keep under wraps for now._'   
  
"Al, it just feels like home to me." Edward didn't lie just then. Well, unless you count lying by omission...   
  
"Ok Onii-san, whatever you say." Al obviously didn't believe him, but he didn't have the heart to argue with his brother after such a tough week.   
  
Ed shoved the letter in his pocket, along with the first, and continued on with his job as a dog of the military.  
  
"Onii-san, can I ask who they are to?"   
  
"You can ask but I won't tell you."   
  
"Onii-san don't be so mean! I just want to know who you write to."   
  
"AL. DROP IT. NOW." And the subject was dropped faster than it had been brought up. "I write to someone who I care for very much, and I don't want everyone to know I care for him."   
  
"Him?"   
  
"I SAID THEM. Jeez Al, I always wondered how you heard without ears, now I know you just don't hear!"   
  
"That isn't nice!" the living suit of armor said, hurt.  
  
"I'm sorry...this is just...a painful subject for me."  
  
_'Yeah, it's really painful. It's hard having to come to a place I know so well that it could be my home only to tell the man I secretly love about the missions. Then I get to have him tell me everything I left out, and be sent out again for another awful mission that only a lowly dog like me could possibly fulfil. It's so hard to swallow that I will never be able to tell him that I care for him, that I need him, that I- oh shoot what the hell is this water coming out of my eyes?_'   
  
"Onii-san, please don't cry, I won't mention it again I promise!" Al noticed the tears.  
  
"Al, it isn't your fault, it's my own for thinking too deeply into it. It's ok I will be fine." Ed choked out.   
  
_'Yeah, it's tough, and every time I see him, I'm so happy I could die and so depressed I could die by my own hands.'_   
  
"Al, lets go back tomorrow and report that this town, aside from being rude, had nothing of interest in it."   
  
Al nodded. "Does this mean another long boring train ride?" he asked. "Yes. Because that's what dogs do. They ride in trains and stick their heads out the window whenever they need a breath of fresh air." Ed said sourly.  
  
"Lets get done here and go, I wanna get this over with. Man I hate this town..."   
  
**A_/N: Oh man the angst. Poor Ed. I kinda know what he feels like. Heck i know exactly what he feels like. DONT ASK. Really. Dont. Stick around for the next chapter! Less angst i PROMISE._ **_**Unless perhaps you guys are liking the angst? Oh whatever, I'll do whatever the reviewers say on the angst issue. I AM AT YOUR MERCY OH YE REVIEWERS**._


	3. Chapter 3 songfic

OHOHOH SONGFIC! dies this is to save me from writing more chapters. This is the chapter before last. This song just had perfect lyrics ....OO I've been on New Found Glory and Green Day for weeks. And when I noticed the lyrics to this song it just clicked. So this is Truth of My Youth by New Found Glory. I don't own the song or the band. Don't sue. Warning: SUBJECT LEAPING  
  
_There was a time and place where I never thought I'd leave my own hometown But those days finally are dead and gone It was never my intention to stay there, oh no..._  
  
When I was a kid, I never dreamed of leaving home. No way. I'd stay home forever with Mom and Al and we'd all be one big happy family forever. But Dad left, and Mom died, and Al and I were forced- no, we weren't forced, but we decided to leave home. Our future was far from Rizenbul, but I never thought that I'd fall for the Colonel from that first glance I got of him while my eyes blurred by pain. But sure enough, after a while in the military, something sparked inside me and...I'm glad I didn't stay home with Winry and Grandma Pinako. Even if we had stayed one big happy feeling, I couldn't have stayed at home forever, could I have?  
  
_There was a conscious effort played by me To disown anything I see There was a girl I knew way back when who says she doesn't know me anymore.  
_  
It was hard leaving town, that's true enough. But I had changed since the transmutation, and I couldn't stay there anymore. I don't care if I go back and nobody recognizes me. I won't be surprised if they won't wanna associate with the military's dog. I know it will hurt, but it won't be surprising.  
  
_These are the lies, the things you never mention. These are my past mistakes I'll stay away from.  
_  
I live a constant lie just to be in this organization. The books are helpful to say the least but other than that, I'm only in it to be nearer to Colonel Roy Mustang. It's interesting, the way our feelings get in the way of our morals sometimes. I had always been taught to never to become a dog of the military and now, because of a need for information and an annoying crush, I have gone against my teachings and become a living lie. I have to hide my past constantly. "Yeah, I was in an accident and had to get automail" I'll always say to all those who see it and ask. It's getting easier and easier to lie, and it scares me. But for Roy, I'd lie every day of the week.  
  
_These are my thoughts written down on paper _

_It's my only savior from not saying what I wanna say. _

_These are the thoughts that are on my mind Moments that haven't yet been defined _

_And I don't know if you will ever understand _

_These are the things I can't say when we're alone.  
_  
I've written a total of 15 letters to you, all of them filled with my hopes for the future, with all my wants and all my needs, all my fears and all my angst. They make me feel better about who I am and how I feel. Every letter takes a little bit of the burden from my soul. I've imagined and dreamed of so many moments between us two, but they won't come true. I will always just be a dreamer. I've always had urges to tell you things whenever you and I are alone in your office with the door closed, just you and me, but I won't ever have the boldness to say something as strong as "I love you" unless I am sure of it. I'm a scientist and I won't say or believe in anything unless I am positive of its being and existence.  
  
_There were countless hours on the telephone, My ears were ringing from the dial tone  
_  
I call you often and I'm so nervous when I do, hoping I will be able to stay on topic and not drift off into other, more dangerous ones. I hope every time that I will be able to control myself. And I always dial your office and we spend hours on the phone, talking about the mission and what has happened so far in any given town. I was so tense talking to you at first, but now there is much lighter and easier conversation. Of course, if I stray TOO far off topic I get yelled at and threatened, but that's just how the Colonel is. I could spend forever listening to his smooth voice, though I hate phones because they distort it a bit.  
  
_There were flashing lights People staring and there was nothing I could ever do_  
  
Alchemy always stuns people. This particular taboo fascinates people to an extreme level. The bright lights and flashing colors always seem to get them. I don't like when people stare at me even though I love attention. I'm afraid they will see right through me. Instead I prefer to talk to people and have eye contact with them.  
  
However, I use alchemy openly because it helps the public and it isn't about my comfort level. I save a lot of people, but there are those times when I can't do anything. And in those moments, I am totally lost and depressed, pushing myself harder than I can go, and by the end I'm so worn out and depressed that all I can do is either pass out or start crying. I usually succeed at both before I even think about using alchemy again. And usually when this happens, I write another letter to "Audrey" aka the Colonel.  
  
_This is the truth, the only time you'll hear it I'll write it down because it seems so hard to say it. These are the things I can't say when we're alone.  
_  
I will never say anything out loud, and so he won't ever hear the truth behind truths unless he finds those letters and just HAPPENS to figure out that I used a code name. I wouldn't put it above the Colonel, but I hope that he never figures it out. I hope we can live our normal ruitine and that I can still catch that glimps of him every so often and hear his voice over the phone, same as always. I don't want things to change because in my experience change is usually a bad thing. So sorry, Colonel, I guess you'll never know.  
  
ONE MORE CHAPTER TO GOOOOO. Sorry if the lyrics were annoying but man do I love the song. SUBJECT JUMPING IS FUN NO? XX Ok I'm done now.


	4. Chapter 4

Warnings: Cheesy-ness. And I used some LANGUAGE gasp nothing toooooo bad. But still LANGUAGE! Ahhhhh!  
  
Chapter 4  
  
It'd been two weeks since I had requested the time off to go back to Rizenbul and visit Grandma Pinako, Winry, and Mom's grave. After my two weeks were up, I had to go back to the office and pick up another assignment. I had forgotten that all 15 of my letters had been crammed into my desk to avoid anyone's "accidental finding" of them.

---------

"Good Morning Miss Hawkeye!" Al greets her. Of course, Riza Hawkeye isn't one for small talk and she goes straight to business.  
  
"Edowardo, Colonel Mustang wants to see you in his office. I'd suggest you go now. He says it's very important."  
  
'_What the heck? What's the big rush? I'll be here all day...something isn't right._'  
  
"Do you know why? What did I miss while I was gone?" Ed tried to ask her but she had already walked off, dismissing the subject to the back of her mind.  
  
"Fine. Al, you know the drill, you can wait for me at my desk. I will go in happy and come out depressed and with a butt load of work." Al nodded and went to sit on the chair behind Ed's desk.  
  
"Hey, onii-san."  
  
"What?" Ed wheeled around. "Good luck, maybe you should tell him this time, I know it's hard on you." Al 'smirked'.

"Onii-san the look on your face is priceless! Yes, I figured it out. I wasn't born yesterday! I think he'll take it well."  
  
Ed was shocked to say the least. "Al! I can't believe you- why did you- this isn't fair!" Ed looked around, then back to his younger brother and mouthed "Thanks".  
  
Ed took all his courage and entered Roy's office.  
  
'_I will tell him this time. I wont be chicken like always. I will tell him. I can do this. I will do this. What the heck? I cant do this, darnit Al, giving me an ego boost_.'  
  
"You wanted to see me?" Ed asked prepared for anything, he thought, that Roy Mustang could ever throw at him.  
  
He shot Ed a glance and a manipulative smirk."Yes. I know your secret. How much will you pay me not to sell it to the rest of the military?"

"Get to the point Mustang." Ed scowled.  
  
From the look on his face, Ed could already tell sarcasm was coming."Well aren't YOU grumpy today. I almost feel like you aren't happy to see me!"  
  
'_He's toying with me I know it._'  
  
Ed thought he was about to throw something."What is the point of all this!"   
  
"We had a desk inspection while you were gone, Edo-kun." Roy winked.  
  
"Desk...inspection....DONT CALL ME EDO-KUN YOU PERVERT!" This time Ed DID throw something. The Colonel caught the silver State Alchemist watch and looked up questioningly.  
  
"You can have this if you aren't going to get to the point. My brother is bored stiff out there."  
  
"You're brother can wait. You see...I found some sealed envelopes in your desk and thought they might be research." Roy started to explain.  
  
"YOU LIE. You knew what they were. Bastard." Ed looked to the floor, knowing where this whole thing was going.  
  
"Well, I started to read them and I thought 'why isn't this interesting, Ed has a crush on someone'...then I found later evidence that they were in military personal and-"  
  
"ROY MUSTANG I WILL KILL YOU!" Hagane no Chibi fumed.  
  
"That wouldn't be wise; who would you write to after you killed me? And what about all those hopes for the future hm? Would you be willing to kill THOSE too?"  
  
Ed started breaking down right then and there.  
  
'_I cant do this. I didn't want this to happen. Now I won't ever see him again. He's gonna fire me I know it. I'm just waiting for it now, I know its coming._'  
  
A warm pair of arms crept around his shoulders and found their way to his back. They held him firmly and soundly. Ed looked up, tears still in his eyes. "Colonel-"  
  
"Please, call me Roy now. Don't be so stiff shorty."  
  
"Who's a super ultra hyper chibi bean that you can't see without a telescope?!?!" Ed's moods quickly shifted.  
  
"I knew that'd keep your spirits up. Now then...I believe the house near the beach is possible, but I don't know about the cat. I'm really a dog person. Will that be ok with you?"  
  
'_What does he mean? Does he really want to live with me on a house by the beach like I've always wanted? No, I bet he's just teasing me. Manipulative bastard._'  
  
"What, do you think I'm kidding? I want an answer! Don't make me order you to speak."  
  
"That'd be...just fine...having a dog I mean. You aren't being a manipulative bastard are you?" Ed asked.  
  
"Edo-kun, I'm ALWAYS being a manipulative bastard. See like right now, I am manipulating your mind to allow me to do this." Roy placed his lips over Edwards and Ed (of course) returned the kiss.  
  
Al sat in a tree outside with his cat, watching happily. "Way to go onii- san! I knew he'd take it well! It was actually really obvious...the way Mr. Mustang always flirts with onii-san....shameless I tell you."  
  
Al climbed out of the tree and returned to Ed's desk. "You have no clue how long I've been watching you from that tree onii-san...heh...it's good to see something OTHER than boring talking for once."  
  
Ed walked out of the room, a lot looser than before and beaming. "I'm happy for you onii-san!" Al waved.  
  
Ed gave him a suspicious look and asked how he knew. "Oh, there are some things a brother can just tell." And if Al had a normal body right then, he'd be smiling mischievously.  
  
Owari  
  
A/N: whahahaha. Yeah, I know, I suck at romance. sigh That's because Ed's story had a HAPPY ending and mine had a sad one. I still write letters to people and pray they never find them. However, I usually feel like I'm gonna explode whenever I see the person I write to. Ok I'll shut up now I PROMISE. Maybe. I don't know. O.o But this was the last chapter. THE END na no da lol.


End file.
